Xmas is Near _ Twitter Novel Reprint Part One

I have been writing two novels on Twitter.  FitToLove_novel, is a novel I started months ago and it seems like there’s no end in sight.  That's why I began XmasIsNear.  It seems possible that there could be a logical end to it.

In Twitter, postings can only be 140 characters long.  Including spaces.  This has its obvious limitations, but it also provides unique opportunities.  Each post has two purposes.  One is to further the ongoing story. And, the second, is to be entertaining.  It can communicate more than just what the words say.  Like a haiku.

Some people post many times a day.  To let you know they’re eating breakfast.   To let you know they want to go shopping.  To let you know the broccoli at dinner was awful.  It’s kind of crazy.

But, it’s fun.  It can keep a writer sharp.  Or, it can seriously warp his mind and, perhaps, cramp his style.

The story is too long to put into one posting here, so this and the next one will bring you up to date with XmasIsNear.  The first three are in Twitter format.

XmasisNear

Nearer than you think. Only 54 days. Now, the first step to Xmas success and my present resolution: I will be good on Halloween. 9:53 AM Oct 31st fromSeesmic

XmasisNear

I didn’t trash. I didn’t smash. I only took one piece of candy at each stop and I didn’t eat everything at one time. Dang, I’m good. 9:59 AM Nov 1st fromSeesmic

XmasisNear

I am goal-oriented. I want on be on the good list. I want, what some might consider, a mountain of presents. Oh yeah, world peace, too. 9:14 AM Nov 2nd from Seesmic

Xmas is more than a state of mind. More than a commercial holiday that our nation depends on. More than just presents. Sure.

I’m serious. As never before. I have a feeling that this Xmas is going to change everything. I mean it. See, it’s already working. Isn’t it?

Santa has his list, but I’m making a plan. Be worthy. Think of others first. Help out. Visualize that mountain of presents. Stay calm.

Two days ago, 20 inches of snow. The scene was set. Today, 65° and it’s gone. I’m trying to hold onto my dreams, but they’re slippery.

To stay in the mood, I’m reading, The Night Before Xmas. Yeah, it’s a little early, but to Santa, the elves, and the reindeer it’s imminent.

When visualizing, the clearer and more specific you can be, the better. Okay. A stocking worthy of Bigfoot.

I can see it now, my every Xmas wish answered. To get it to work, I’ll have to write it all down. No wish too small or too big. Here goes.

First, I need… I mean, I’d like a giant TV, big enough to walk into. Braces that light up at night. A box of Oreo’s from Costco. Some milk.

A pillow that's just right. One of those robot vacuum cleaners, but one I don't have to be afraid of. A drawer full of socks the same color.

Curtains that don't let the light in. Pants that fit. And, while we're at it, some of that self-slimming underwear. Clothes make the man.

I am so domestic! How about a shower head that will knock my socks off. Veggies that won't turn brown. Some earmuffs. A case of Hamm's.

An iPhone with an app that apologizes for being annoying. A hard drive I'll never have to replace or worry about. One cord to rule them all.

A watch I can read. An endless cup of coffee. Sufficient half and half. A river of agave. Bananas every morning. Wait, breakfast is ready.

Another box of Oreos from Costco. A mood ring I can control. The infinite Amazon gift card. More socks. Three wishes. Jeeves. A barn.

Diamonds! Emeralds! Gold! Wait a second. Maybe I'm getting carried away.

I'm not just materialistic. I did mention world peace.

What about a new mantra? And, some yogurt. Mother Teresa's humility. Gandhi's conviction. Einstein's brains. MLK's perseverance.

Fats Waller's sense of enjoyment. Horton's devotion. Pooh's equanimity. Harold's imagination. George and Martha's generosity.

That ought to do it for right now. There's more, but there's time, too. I should concentrate on good deeds for a while. Or, watch the game.

Today, I'm only going to do the right thing and only speak the truth. I'll be so good that Santa will put me on the right list for sure.

Let's see... I'll recycle. I'll go to the gym. I'll give money to that guy at the intersection. I won't swear.

Oh, ****. Heck, it's a process. Thanksgiving tomorrow. I'll say the grace this year. I won't have too much of anything. I'll do the dishes.

Xmas is Near _ Twitter Novel Reprint Part Two

Thanksgiving!!!!!

I'm ready! The big warmup holiday. Well, I mean, it has its own tradition, but I'm focused on the Big One. The one with the presents.

I was so good I feel terrible today. I was nice to the turkey, the mashed potatoes, the rolls, the wine, the gravy, the pies, the ...

It feels like Sunday. Or, is that just my relaxed nature? Plenty to do, but I don't want to rush into it today. Maybe tomorrow. No, Monday.

Each week, each day, brings me closer to my goal, my favorite holiday, my fate. And, being the master of that fate, I say, Bring It On!!!!!!

Mamma Mia! I think I'll transform my world into a musical. I'm walking down the street, when suddenly I break into song, "Deck the halls..."

The next thing I know, first one and then another of the other pedestrians join in and, before I know it, we're all singing and smiling.

We enter the bookstore, en masse, waving our credit cards. We tell the clerks, It's beginning to look a lot like Xmas. They begin smiling.

We disperse to our favorite departments. Mine is beauty aids. Just kidding. I head for power tools and snow shovels.

This was a practice run. I don't like bags with names on them. I'm much more discreet.

Besides, this year I'm making everything. A gift that will say, I really care. For instance, I'm sewing pajama bottoms.

For my sister, I'm re-gifting a T shirt, from last year, that says, I'm With Child. I couldn't go anywhere.

For my other sister, I'm cooking Christmas dinner. I hope it gets to Seattle before it goes bad.

I wrote a song for my wife. "I'm just mad about dinner. But she's just mad at me. (repeat) They call me Chubby Hubby. (quite rightly)

For my brother, I'm going to build an Art Deco bedroom set for his kids. It should be ready in no time.

I've begun volunteering. You just can't do too much to stay on Santa's good list. You probably think I'm too old for Santa. Me, too.

I can't shake it. Despite my true nature, I'll feel bad, if I haven't earned those presents. Besides, Santa is real. I know it!

I'm the librarian at the Homeless Shelter. That's the kind of shelter we have in our town. I'm wheeling old guys around at the nursing home.

What's come over me? It's like I don't even think of presents anymore. Well...,except for those big boxes of Oreos from Costco.

Today, cookies for everyone. The homeless joint, the nursing home, the people with the cardboard signs. All of us fat. That's the spirit!

The guys at the shelter started calling me, Santa. They like my beard. They even asked about Rudolph, like they meant it

I can't stop thinking about cookies. And sugarplums, whatever they are. Eggnog, chocolate, and candy. I'm getting huge!

I played Santa at the shelter. Some of the guys are too big to be sitting on my lap, but I don't want to disappoint anyone.

Afterwards, I celebrated with my gang of elves. A bit too much eggnog. I fell asleep in my suit. I woke up hungry and didn't change.

Xmas is Near _ Twitter Novel Reprint Conclusion

The waitress just smiled. Hat, glasses, boots, red nose. As I’m walking home, I feel a tug on my coat. I look down. Not an elf. A kid!

We walk around, all day. He tells me about his family and what they need for Xmas. He is holding my hand. What a weird kid.

He doesn’t want anything for himself. Now, that IS weird! Just dinner for his parents and his sister. He’s really got the spirit!

I walk him home, in the dark. The snow begins to fall. I meet the family. I say, “Let’s go out to eat. My treat!” We head for Moe’s.

I had forgotten it was Xmas Eve. My reflection in the window says, Santa! Everyone is smiling, cheerful. The manager refuses to let me pay.

I never slept better. ‘Tis the season for giving, but forget the Oreos. I only want this suit and the feeling I have already. Merry Xmas!

Next Xmas is a long way away, but I think I know what I need to do, to make it even better than this year. See you then.